作文批改范例：
What a vividly picture it is! As is shown above, we can see clearly that the purpose of the painter is describe （ Is to describe …） " LOVE "（ Love没有必要大写 ）. Love is the most cherished thing in our interpersonal act （ 这个表达有错误，可以直接改成love should be most cherished .）. It can hlep our （ 注意拼写，help sb. to do这里的sb是宾格形式，所以用help us …） to pass any handicap. Like the draw depict （ 这部分有问题，可以改成as the drawing depicts , …）"Love is a lamp, which is brighter in the darker place."
There is a lot of example can illustrate this point （ 这句话有语法错误，可以改成lots of examples can … .）, but I think the below （ 你可以写成the one below…也可以改成the following one ….）one is the best. A destructive and disastrous earthquake occured （ 拼写错误 ）in Yushu of Qinghai province on April 14,2010. When this news shown on the TV. （ 这只是一个时间状语从句，后面还要接主句，所以中间不用句号结尾，用逗号就行，另外，前面这个从句缺少谓语，应该改成when this news was shown …） The citizen of the china take part （ 注意表达和时态问题，all Chinese people took part in …）in the salvage operation positively. No matter he's rich or poor. （ 同样的错误，这只是一个让步状语从句，主句是？单独一个从句是不以句号结尾的，后面一定要有主句出现 ） I think largely because of the Love from everwhere of china , the victims was rebravery to construct they home . （ 这句话表达有误，可以改成because of love from China, victims can rebuild their home .） Not only in the material, but in the spiritual . （ 这部分同样只是条件状语，真正的主句在哪里 ？）Love take a （ 删掉，固定用法是take action ）very important action in this reconstruction.
I have some suggestiones （ 注意拼写错误 ）to help us to show love. First, the media must become a platform to show us what we can do to help others. second , （ 句首注意字母大写 ） the citizen should have a sense of responsibility in our daily life. let's （ 句首注意字母大写 ） light our love lamp to make the world more and more （ 注意后面brighter本身就是比较级形式了，前面不用more and more,删掉 ）brighter.
点评：7-8分
文章的大结构没有问题，主题思想表达也比较明确，内容方面也比较有条理，符合题目要求，但是由于语言方面有很大的问题，所以才导致你这篇文章没有得到高分。这些语言问题严重影响了对你文章的理解，导致了很多句子语义无法完整表达，语法结构的错误使用，尤其是主从句的正确使用，都导致文章质量严重下降。从文章反映出你的语言功底还不够扎实，需要继续努力巩固提高。所以希望今后复习过程中能够继续巩固，背诵范文的时候要注意里面词汇语法结构的使用和掌握，多练习。加油，期待你的进步！
What a vividly picture it is! As is shown above, we can see clearly that the purpose of the painter is describe （ Is to describe …） " LOVE "（ Love没有必要大写 ）. Love is the most cherished thing in our interpersonal act （ 这个表达有错误，可以直接改成love should be most cherished .）. It can hlep our （ 注意拼写，help sb. to do这里的sb是宾格形式，所以用help us …） to pass any handicap. Like the draw depict （ 这部分有问题，可以改成as the drawing depicts , …）"Love is a lamp, which is brighter in the darker place."
There is a lot of example can illustrate this point （ 这句话有语法错误，可以改成lots of examples can … .）, but I think the below （ 你可以写成the one below…也可以改成the following one ….）one is the best. A destructive and disastrous earthquake occured （ 拼写错误 ）in Yushu of Qinghai province on April 14,2010. When this news shown on the TV. （ 这只是一个时间状语从句，后面还要接主句，所以中间不用句号结尾，用逗号就行，另外，前面这个从句缺少谓语，应该改成when this news was shown …） The citizen of the china take part （ 注意表达和时态问题，all Chinese people took part in …）in the salvage operation positively. No matter he's rich or poor. （ 同样的错误，这只是一个让步状语从句，主句是？单独一个从句是不以句号结尾的，后面一定要有主句出现 ） I think largely because of the Love from everwhere of china , the victims was rebravery to construct they home . （ 这句话表达有误，可以改成because of love from China, victims can rebuild their home .） Not only in the material, but in the spiritual . （ 这部分同样只是条件状语，真正的主句在哪里 ？）Love take a （ 删掉，固定用法是take action ）very important action in this reconstruction.
I have some suggestiones （ 注意拼写错误 ）to help us to show love. First, the media must become a platform to show us what we can do to help others. second , （ 句首注意字母大写 ） the citizen should have a sense of responsibility in our daily life. let's （ 句首注意字母大写 ） light our love lamp to make the world more and more （ 注意后面brighter本身就是比较级形式了，前面不用more and more,删掉 ）brighter.
点评：7-8分
文章的大结构没有问题，主题思想表达也比较明确，内容方面也比较有条理，符合题目要求，但是由于语言方面有很大的问题，所以才导致你这篇文章没有得到高分。这些语言问题严重影响了对你文章的理解，导致了很多句子语义无法完整表达，语法结构的错误使用，尤其是主从句的正确使用，都导致文章质量严重下降。从文章反映出你的语言功底还不够扎实，需要继续努力巩固提高。所以希望今后复习过程中能够继续巩固，背诵范文的时候要注意里面词汇语法结构的使用和掌握，多练习。加油，期待你的进步！
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